Falling into the trap

I am exceptionally behind and have a ton of things I was thinking about writing about...but let's be honest, first I was busy grading papers and getting out of town, then I was busy relaxing, enjoying my family, Zack's family and all the lovely food they stuffed in our faces.

So now, with a bit of time as I take care of myself (on my vest--good girl) and let my brain digest all the reading I just did to pass my Praxis certification test let me talk about what I noticed about myself in the final weeks of school.

I was so frustrated at the beginning of the year when I noticed that many of my students lacked the prerequisite skills needed for my course. How could they have gotten this far with such a poor understanding of numbers and manipulating equations. I was even more frustrated/vindicated because I realized it wasn't just my lousy teaching that made them fail my tests, when I saw just how many of my students had not passed the Algebra 1 Gateway test. This test is required for graduation in Tennessee. It's changing a bit with the new standards, but my students all still need to 'pass' the gateway. 'Passing' or being deemed proficient on this test is scoring a 55%. You might ask if the test is particularly hard. The answer to that is, no, not really. Then why oh why did approximately 12 of my 65 students in Geometry and Algebra 2 need to re-take it as sophomores, juniors, and even three seniors? Why were students who failed this test in my class in the first place? Shouldn't that mean they failed Algebra 1? It's awfully confusing, until you start having to give out grades yourself.....

In our final week before the holidays and the end of the semester, our principal reminded us that our students should not be punished because we were not or are not good teachers. We are, after all, new. I get it, I'm not the best teacher--but if a kid isn't getting anything, they aren't getting anything and shouldn't pass--right? HA. In that meeting I felt belittled. Haven't I done everything I possibly can? Sure there is a learning curve to teaching, and sure a lot of it is my responsibility, but doesn't some of it rest with the learner? Doesn't some of understanding come from who is trying (or, in many cases, NOT trying) to digest the material?

Given this, and given the fact that I noticed that pretty much no one with the exception of a handful of students in my geometry classes were 'getting it' I reviewed for the last 3 weeks of class. I showed them problems and diagrams just like those on the test, day after day. We worked through the problems together, sometimes I tried to have them work through them on their own and then I walked around and corrected them. I gave them a test the week before the exam that was an exact copy of the exam only with different numbers. Even the diagrams were the same. The Monday before the exam, we went over that test and made corrections. Yes, there was improvement, but if I hadn't curved my tests, the majority of my students would have failed.

I also allowed students to do makeup work. I didn't give them time in class, but I reminded them daily and had a big note on my whiteboard that they stared at every day. Again, only a handful turned things in. Some had so much missing that I told them I would forgive it if they passed their final. Is this good teaching or is it re-inforcing bad habits?

Let's take for example one of my students, we'll call her Charlotte. Charlotte did not pass her Algebra 1 Gateway, was tardy to my class at least 2 if not 3 times a week, and when she was there it was always the 'Charlotte show.' If she wasn't talking to her friends she was talking to the whole class, asking for pencils, combing her hair, passing out skittles etc etc. When she tried to pay attention she'd dominate my focus with questions so elementary I'd lose the rest of the class. She was the student who, when I used the TFA line "this is not a discussion" said back to me, ok fine, if it's not a discussion than why are you still talking to me about it?" She rarely turned in assignments (even ones that should have been done in class) and had a very low understanding of anything Geometry. Towards the end of the course she came to me on two successive lunch breaks (she always said she'd stay after school for tutoring but always failed to). Basically, in looking at her progress report, and looking at what was on the exam, I realized that if she spent time doing the work she'd missed, while she would gain a more solid understanding of geometry (maybe, or she'd just copy answers out of the back of the book), she wouldn't spend enough time covering specifically what was on the test, and therefore might not pass. I told her, pass the last test and pass the final, you can probably pass my class.

What followed was her trying to study for the most part, actually putting in effort and taking good notes in the end, despite the fact that she continued to disrupt my review sessions. She passed the last test, and she passed the final. And so, when computing her grade, I played god, just a bit. I took out some missings which get calculated as zeros and changed them to incompletes which don't get calculated. This brought her grade up just high enough to get a 70 for the year, the lowest passing grade you can get.

This was a moral dilemma for me. I had to go in and talk to Ms. Bright across the hall about it because it just didn't sit right. But, here was my reasoning:

1. Charlotte actually did show improvement, and what Tennessee calls proficiency on my last two tests
2. That D on her report card isn't going to look good to anyone, they'll still know she has low math skills
3. If I didn't pass her, she'd most likely go to credit recovery where she'd get the course on a computer and be able to cheat her way through.
4. Charlotte is a 9th grade repeater. If she doesn't pass her classes this semester, there is a very very high chance statistically that she'll drop out of high school all together.

With all these reasons in mind, I gave Charlotte a 70. I'm not proud of it, and I feel bad for whoever has her in Algebra 2...CRAP-it might be me next year, awesome. But to some extent, it's almost too late.

Am I giving up? Did I let the administration and the current state of our education system win? Kind of. And it kills me. But what can you do? Well, you have to be a better teacher I guess. Somehow I have to teach well enough that I am not faced with decisions on whether or not to pass on kids that shouldn't pass. Somehow I not only need to be their Algebra 2 and Geometry teacher, I also need to be their Algebra 1 and Pre-Algebra teacher.

I also worry I am reinforcing bad habits. Mess around in the beginning of the semester all you want, as long as you come crying to me and pass your last tests, you'll be fine. I do not like that mentality. I don't support it. But should students be penalized for not quite having their act together from the start? What if they truly make a turnaround and improve?

Hopefully this next semester will go better. We'll get a better start and I'll be a better teacher.

For now I'm just re-prioritizing and reflecting. We'll see where that gets me...