Snow Dayz

So this is what it's like to be rested and enjoy your life a little? Wow! Nashville had a big snow storm. And by big I mean three inches (maybe) and some ice. It basically shut the city down. Which let's be honest is pretty ridiculous. But what is even more ridiculous, is not that we had a snow day on Friday (school was called once again at about 6:00 pm Thursday evening before any snow had fallen). I get Friday, mostly, although the roads didn't get terrible till the afternoon, but you just never know with those buses. It was nice, I went into school, got some work done, got ready for my sub on Monday since I would be out for professional development and cleaned up my classroom a bit. Nice. A little gym, a little out, nice to have an extra day. Weekend seemed less stressful, and I was ready, for the most part, to go back on Monday.

What I didn't get, was that on Sunday, while at the grocery doing my weekly shopping, I hear that school would be out AGAIN on Monday. You know Nashville, if you actually plow away the snow it doesn't freeze over at night time. Apparently they don't have the equipment. Not only did we have Monday off (even though it was 47 degrees and sunny)...we had TUESDAY off as well! Thank you Nashville and TDOT for my 6 day vacation.

I then took my professional development day and have to only be at school 2 days this week.

It'd be great if I didn't feel like we were finally on a roll and getting into a groove, and now the kids seem to have forgotten all their algebra. Tomorrow's test will tell....

Banana Bread for the Teacher's Soul

So I have had 4 brown shriveled up bananas in my freezer for a few months now. I saw them every time I opened the door and thought, I should make banana bread, and frankly got a little annoyed they were still sitting there. But I never took the time (or umm, had the time) to do it. Finally this weekend, after staying at school till 5 on Friday and working all afternoon/early evening Saturday, I had the time on Sunday.

Baking to me is like therapy. I started baking when I lived in New York and got a Kitchenaid mixer for Christma--I mean Hannukka. I don't do it enough now. Mostly because I don't have roommates to pawn the stuff off on and then I'd just get fat. When I can make enough for my classes I'll do it, but that is more of a chore than therapy!

This was great, I got rid of the bananas, made something delicious, and my whole apt smelled nice. And I got to bring in treats today for a few lucky individuals.

Ms. Bright works across the hall from me. She has been there for advice daily, she's seen my cry, vent and scream, she's taken kids that were driving me crazy, had a 'come to jesus' meeting with them and then just made them work quietly in her room when that didn't work. She's even come and spoken to my class to tell them to wise up. Basically, my life at Whites Creek is better because of her. I was so happy to bring her something I'd made with love to let her know how much I appreciated her help.

She made me feel better too--we talked about my sappy card and she said, "you know, I really appreciate your drive, that you haven't given up yet despite how tough it is." I think there were bets in this school about how long I'd last, not a single one had me coming back after the Holidays, but I am still here. Still plugging away.

I think when I have smushy brown bananas in my freezer, and I know what I need to do with them--I need to just do it. I need to stop being annoyed at them and use them instead for something good. This might be a crappy metaphor, but I'm not an English teacher, so forgive me. The point is, I am going to stop dwelling on what's going wrong, I am going to realize that I am a fighter (just like I wrote in all those b-school/TFA applications) and keep fighting. Keep doing good stuff with what I have, even if it just looks like a mushy old frozen banana. (Now you totally want to try the stuff right? It got rave reviews you know....)

Being Positive?

So my mom mentioned that maybe I shouldn't complain so much on this blog. Is that what it sounds like? Am I too negative all the time? umm, probably.

Let's try saying some good stuff.

They were right about it getting better. Sort of. I mean, I know my material better. Much better--I can teach the concepts with an eye towards where we are going, I know the ways in which to explain the concepts that these kids get, and I am a little more organized, because I know how helpful that is.

It's also just nice to see friendly faces in the hallway. My kids from last semester, even when they groaned and growled at homework, classwork, pretty much any work, give me hugs in the hallway and tell me they miss me. They even ask knowingly if I miss them. One of the girls that gave me the most hell 1st period last semester said, "how are your classes this semester Ms. Sudow? Are they as bad as we were?" At least she understands what she put me through. She is the same one that said she probably could have got it if she'd been paying attention all along. I asked her if she remembered that in her classes now, if she was, in fact, paying attention and doing her work from the start, she said she was. Let's hope that's the case.

I realized, well have known it all along, but it's become clearer to me, that I did not become a teacher to teach Algebra 2. Yes the math skills in my class are important, but I want to teach more than that. I want to teach responsibility, work ethic, love of learning--all that good stuff. All the things that somehow were just in me, maybe it was Potomac, maybe it was my parents. These kids don't have that, for so many reasons they don't have that. One is that they have no idea what the 'real world' looks like. They don't really have anything concrete to reach for because they don't seem to know what success really looks like. I want to show them that somehow. I want them to see the other side so they know how to act. I want them to be invested. That is probably the toughest part of my job. To see so much potential in these kids, but they've gotten away for so long with mediocrity, with pushing people away and getting kicked out class, that there really isn't much reason for them to try anymore.

I am going to keep working at it. I am going to keep getting on my soap box every once in a while to help them understand, or see what's out there. Hopefully they'll actually listen and not just think I am some rich girl who doesn't have a clue.

Initiation

Fights are not new to Whites Creek. But they are new to the Business and Economics hallway, we usually hold it down.

I felt it coming. Just after the bell, Sleepy, one of my geometry students from last semester, was standing in the hall with four or five other boys, those 4 walked away all singing some song, in unison. That was the moment. I knew something was up. I looked to sleepy, who put one hand up in the air, waving it at them, using expletives and talking about gangs.

Crap.

The boys rushed at Sleepy as I yelled for them to cool it. White girl in her Jcrew sweater telling boys with gold grillz not to rush at each other for who knows what anger they've got. Not so effective.

I didn't want to insert myself, but somehow 5 boys turned to 15, and the mob moved towards me, all of the sudden, there I was right in the middle of it--not a good place when fists are flailing and blindly punching whatever is in front of them.

So then, like any smart not very large human who does not want a black eye, and who sees her favorite savior teacher running across the hallway, I ran. We called for help, I talked to one of my students who also accidentally got mixed up in it to make sure she was ok, and then savior teacher number 2 came down the hall. This woman does not play. She broke up what was left right away and worked to comfort whoever got hurt.

Yes, this is more interesting than my usual posts, and yes, teachers and students spent much of the rest of the day reliving what happened and, well, gossiping. I did it too, despite my better judgement.

What's sad here is that Sleepy will probably be kicked out of Whites Creek. Sleepy who told me he was 'The truth' in my class, who took his grillz out when he'd come to tutoring so he could be serious, and who passed my class because he studied and tried the best he could to get his grade up.

What happens to him now? He goes to an alternative school where he can hope to get some kind of degree, maybe. Is a degree from an alternative school as good as a degree from a normal one? Is the fact that he got in a fight at his normal high school forever on his record? I'm not really sure. But I have a feeling the fighting that started at 7:06 this morning didn't end at 7:10. I have a feeling it's going on right now, that his gang is retaliating, that they are rallying and that something will probably go on at school tomorrow. I have a feeling this won't be the last time Sleepy gets in a fight.

Often it's the good ones that end up getting kicked out for these fights. Often the ones that drive you crazy in class just keep driving you crazy.

This is the part of teaching that is heart-wrenching. This is one of those teachable moments they tell you about--I tried to talk to my advisees today about not fighting (because all they could do was talk about it). About being the bigger person and not stooping to the other person's level. About keeping your head down, doing well in school and rising above the fight. The message was lost on the students who needed to hear it most.

For my part, I feel a little tougher, initiated into what it's like to break up a fight (or umm, call someone else to do it), and energized to keep trying to teach them to be humans, not just mathematicians.

Falling into the trap

I am exceptionally behind and have a ton of things I was thinking about writing about...but let's be honest, first I was busy grading papers and getting out of town, then I was busy relaxing, enjoying my family, Zack's family and all the lovely food they stuffed in our faces.

So now, with a bit of time as I take care of myself (on my vest--good girl) and let my brain digest all the reading I just did to pass my Praxis certification test let me talk about what I noticed about myself in the final weeks of school.

I was so frustrated at the beginning of the year when I noticed that many of my students lacked the prerequisite skills needed for my course. How could they have gotten this far with such a poor understanding of numbers and manipulating equations. I was even more frustrated/vindicated because I realized it wasn't just my lousy teaching that made them fail my tests, when I saw just how many of my students had not passed the Algebra 1 Gateway test. This test is required for graduation in Tennessee. It's changing a bit with the new standards, but my students all still need to 'pass' the gateway. 'Passing' or being deemed proficient on this test is scoring a 55%. You might ask if the test is particularly hard. The answer to that is, no, not really. Then why oh why did approximately 12 of my 65 students in Geometry and Algebra 2 need to re-take it as sophomores, juniors, and even three seniors? Why were students who failed this test in my class in the first place? Shouldn't that mean they failed Algebra 1? It's awfully confusing, until you start having to give out grades yourself.....

In our final week before the holidays and the end of the semester, our principal reminded us that our students should not be punished because we were not or are not good teachers. We are, after all, new. I get it, I'm not the best teacher--but if a kid isn't getting anything, they aren't getting anything and shouldn't pass--right? HA. In that meeting I felt belittled. Haven't I done everything I possibly can? Sure there is a learning curve to teaching, and sure a lot of it is my responsibility, but doesn't some of it rest with the learner? Doesn't some of understanding come from who is trying (or, in many cases, NOT trying) to digest the material?

Given this, and given the fact that I noticed that pretty much no one with the exception of a handful of students in my geometry classes were 'getting it' I reviewed for the last 3 weeks of class. I showed them problems and diagrams just like those on the test, day after day. We worked through the problems together, sometimes I tried to have them work through them on their own and then I walked around and corrected them. I gave them a test the week before the exam that was an exact copy of the exam only with different numbers. Even the diagrams were the same. The Monday before the exam, we went over that test and made corrections. Yes, there was improvement, but if I hadn't curved my tests, the majority of my students would have failed.

I also allowed students to do makeup work. I didn't give them time in class, but I reminded them daily and had a big note on my whiteboard that they stared at every day. Again, only a handful turned things in. Some had so much missing that I told them I would forgive it if they passed their final. Is this good teaching or is it re-inforcing bad habits?

Let's take for example one of my students, we'll call her Charlotte. Charlotte did not pass her Algebra 1 Gateway, was tardy to my class at least 2 if not 3 times a week, and when she was there it was always the 'Charlotte show.' If she wasn't talking to her friends she was talking to the whole class, asking for pencils, combing her hair, passing out skittles etc etc. When she tried to pay attention she'd dominate my focus with questions so elementary I'd lose the rest of the class. She was the student who, when I used the TFA line "this is not a discussion" said back to me, ok fine, if it's not a discussion than why are you still talking to me about it?" She rarely turned in assignments (even ones that should have been done in class) and had a very low understanding of anything Geometry. Towards the end of the course she came to me on two successive lunch breaks (she always said she'd stay after school for tutoring but always failed to). Basically, in looking at her progress report, and looking at what was on the exam, I realized that if she spent time doing the work she'd missed, while she would gain a more solid understanding of geometry (maybe, or she'd just copy answers out of the back of the book), she wouldn't spend enough time covering specifically what was on the test, and therefore might not pass. I told her, pass the last test and pass the final, you can probably pass my class.

What followed was her trying to study for the most part, actually putting in effort and taking good notes in the end, despite the fact that she continued to disrupt my review sessions. She passed the last test, and she passed the final. And so, when computing her grade, I played god, just a bit. I took out some missings which get calculated as zeros and changed them to incompletes which don't get calculated. This brought her grade up just high enough to get a 70 for the year, the lowest passing grade you can get.

This was a moral dilemma for me. I had to go in and talk to Ms. Bright across the hall about it because it just didn't sit right. But, here was my reasoning:

1. Charlotte actually did show improvement, and what Tennessee calls proficiency on my last two tests
2. That D on her report card isn't going to look good to anyone, they'll still know she has low math skills
3. If I didn't pass her, she'd most likely go to credit recovery where she'd get the course on a computer and be able to cheat her way through.
4. Charlotte is a 9th grade repeater. If she doesn't pass her classes this semester, there is a very very high chance statistically that she'll drop out of high school all together.

With all these reasons in mind, I gave Charlotte a 70. I'm not proud of it, and I feel bad for whoever has her in Algebra 2...CRAP-it might be me next year, awesome. But to some extent, it's almost too late.

Am I giving up? Did I let the administration and the current state of our education system win? Kind of. And it kills me. But what can you do? Well, you have to be a better teacher I guess. Somehow I have to teach well enough that I am not faced with decisions on whether or not to pass on kids that shouldn't pass. Somehow I not only need to be their Algebra 2 and Geometry teacher, I also need to be their Algebra 1 and Pre-Algebra teacher.

I also worry I am reinforcing bad habits. Mess around in the beginning of the semester all you want, as long as you come crying to me and pass your last tests, you'll be fine. I do not like that mentality. I don't support it. But should students be penalized for not quite having their act together from the start? What if they truly make a turnaround and improve?

Hopefully this next semester will go better. We'll get a better start and I'll be a better teacher.

For now I'm just re-prioritizing and reflecting. We'll see where that gets me...

Whites Creek High School:the documentary

On Monday, two weeks before the fin du cycle, the teachers in the Enterprise and Development school received an email, in all caps, with no distinct paragraphs asking us to put together a sub folder in case we are out. It needed to have lesson plans, student rosters, reliable students etc.

Thank you. I get this is important. But maybe it was more important back in SEPTEMBER? Since after all, I am not going to have the same reliable students in just a few weeks, and the kids I have in January will not know (or at least will not be expected to know) half of what is in that folder. Why now?

............

Today in my third block class the door was mysteriously opened by a runaway stranger 3 times, pulling attention away from the whole class. Then said stranger (or maybe another one) decided to put shaving cream or hair goup or SOMETHIng on the window of my door. Once again, disturbing the class and drawing what little attention I had away to the spectacle. "I really need to remember to lock my doors and get something to cover up the window" I thought to myself...

Later, in our faculty meeting, we were asked to make sure we did NOT lock or doors or cover up the windows. Something about creating an open environment at Whites Creek. Something about changing a culture. Something about parents needing to peak in the door. Really? Really? Parents don't peak in the door, and excuse me for being negative--but how many times must my class be disturbed in a day by random hallway walkers/class skippers? I purposely changed the arrangement of my room so that the students were less distracted by the window in the door. Now it's just more obvious when they are looking out it and not the window.

Perhaps the culture will actually change and the gawkers will turn to students and not disrupt my class. Or maybe my class will learn to not be distracted by such silliness. I doubt it.

Sine curves, like and EKG....

Reading my last post made me laugh. Of course I didn't get hearburn, I was on my way out the door to five days of no teaching bliss! Five days of which I only worked ONE. That's amazing. (Did I mention I was with Zack and my whole family?)

And that learning thing? Well they forgot it all when they went home and ate turkey, stuffing and chitlins (which apparently they want me to try).

I mention sine curves because we are working on them in Algebra 2. Or rather, I am showing them how to plug values into the calculator. They have NO clue what it means, what it's for or how they would do this without a calculator, but when I tell them it's like an EKG, their ears perk up a bit. (let's be honest, I don't remember the how, why etc--it would take a lot of time for me to re-learn that-I am following the method of just showing them the process/shortcut so they can pass their test)

What I really mean though, is that teaching has its own sine wave. I was somewhat up that last week. Somehow they felt like learning (not that they showed it on their tests). This week, they do not. This week most of my students are as unhappy to be back as I am. This week many of them have conveniently forgotten how close we are to exams (even though I tell them there are only 9 teaching days left), and they certainly do not see the correlation between how they act in class and how they perform on an exam.

I talked to Litsy who has been doing this for a while. I needed to curb the disillusionment (yup, it's now December and I am still in that terrible trough). She said look, you are a bad teacher, it's ok, you are new. You need to find a way to get your kids to care, you need to invest them or they will not work for you. Right now you are probably up there miserable, and it shows. Duh. How can they learn from someone who just wants to get on the next plane to SF? How can they learn from someone who doesn't help them see the value in what they are learning?

Then there was the wack-a-mole analogy. Another duh....No matter how much you wack the mole to get it back in the hole, it's going to keep popping up. It likes the attention of the mallot. Instead, you need to say, "mole, thank you so much for staying in your hole, you are doing a great job'...ie, when a student is doing well, praise them publicly. This will hopefully prevent the whole "be quiet!" "Put away the cell phone!" "Pay attention!" "You have nine days till exams but you are not acting like it" "How does no one get this?" (yes I've actually said that).

Today I tried to say 3 positive things for every negative one. That lasted 10 minutes. And then I got pissed. I will try again tomorrow.