Year 3, PHEW

Thanks to Mere for inspiring me to start writing again. I've been thinking about it, but clearly since my last post was almost a year ago, I haven't exactly taken the time to do it.

I started this blog to talk about raising money for CF. Then I talked about my crazy travels in India, and THEN it turned into Ms. Sudow's rant because she is a crappy teacher and needs an outlet to deal with the crazy kids (not to mention wanted to maybe someday write a book about all of this). In short, this blog has a bit of ADHD. But that's ok. Year 3 in the teaching adventure and things are starting to look up. So here I go, writing about (hopefully) good things.

I have been trying to describe the difference between this year an the two years that came before. I still have a lot going on, I am still working long hours, but I am not longer totally freaking out about it. Planning takes less time, my lessons make a little more sense, and I can grade 90 quizzes in just under and hour. PHEW.

Funny things happen in my classroom. It's been pretty hot in Hayward. I have AC, but I try to use it sparingly since our school doesn't have a ton of money and I hate being cold. So do the girls in their little tank tops and short shorts. I turned it off one day and 20 minutes later I was warm. "See, now I'm hot" I say....queue the funny chubby kid with diamond studs in his ears "Ms. Sudow, it's hot because I'm in here." delivered with the perfect comedic timing. The entire class cracked up. Amazing.

I will think of more later. But for now, I am going to try to be back to this blogging thing.

Princess La La or some other nonesense

Freshman are squirmy balls of insecure goo, pushing limits and getting really sad/offended when they are called out on it. And maybe, just maybe, I enjoy calling them out on it. Maybe that's what makes a freshman teacher a freshman teacher.

I had 1 student who, when she joined my class, told me that while on my roster her name was Raven Smith (name changed of course), she preferred I call her Princess Nhai Nhai.

I'm sorry what?

Now, it's not 1, but 3, yes 3 girls in that class who feel they are royalty. There is Princess Ro Ro and to top them all off, Queen Shante. The only way to make them stop this nonsense is a) to make them embarrassed that they think people should call them royalty and b) to not grade papers that come in with their names or c) all of the above. Nope, I do not know a Princess RoRo, that paper gets a 0, since I wouldn't know where to put the scores in the gradebook anyway. I only grade papers with real names on them.

I do realize that this royalty complex probably stems from some major insecurity, and perhaps I should not be quite so harsh. But for now it just really pisses me off and I am going to continue calling it silly and refusing to acknowledge said "names." Not even La-A was a Princess La La.

Complete 180 degree turn

Four months later and my life, both personal and professional is so very, very different. For one I finally am on the west coast, for another, things that make me cry at school make me cry with hope, with happiness and with the expectation and fear that I can serve my kids the way I wanted to when I became a teacher.

Today I sat in an IEP meeting of one my students. He happens also to be my advisor. I had already been discussing his case with his case manager and working on some things with him. In the meeting his sisters advocated so deeply for him. They cared so much about what happens to him and his education, they felt let down by the public school system and that Mitchell hadn't really learned much since elementary school because his teachers didn't give him the extra help he needed.

Then came Rosie, our Learning Specialist. Caring, understanding and with so many good ideas to help. Then came the Impact model, that we help any students no matter what they are up against, and we mean it. We have supports in place to differentiate and help give structures. We also hold students to high standards and keep them accountable--Mitchell was the timekeeper at the meeting and had to tell us what he felt he was good at, what he felt he needed to work on.

It's is this caring, this high expectation and accountability that makes Impact so very different from Whites Creek. Not just in how we handle kids with IEPs, but how we approach learning, how we hold kids accountable on so many levels. Kids can fail, but they are given chances not to. Students are urged to think, and to think about thinking. They are urged to create and apply.

Thank you Impact for letting me teach. I hope it keeps going as well as it has for the first 4 weeks!

Pressure to Pass

I left school in tears on Friday. First I was upset, then I was angry, then I was both. I had just finished entering senior grades for the semester.

Seniors take their exams a week early in MNPS. First, to make sure they are passing, and second, to get them out of the building so there can be some semblance of order in our last week. I had mixed classes, out of my 88 students I had about 30 seniors. They were, on average, the worst behaved, lowest performing of all my students. They lacked motivation, were rude to me on a daily basis, and pretty much got away with whatever they wanted.

And they all passed.

They did not feel the pressure to pass. They put the pressure on me to pass them. So did the administration. No matter how low their math skills, no matter how often they came (or did not come) to class, and no matter how many assignments they did not bother turning in, they would pass.

That is terrible. It's a flaw in the system. They knew this day would come since they walked into my classroom in January and took full advantage of it. They knew counselors and principals would be knocking on my door telling me the students needed to pass. What can YOU do for them, Ms. Sudow. What extra time can you put in to make sure these students get a diploma.

Our principal called the teacher next door when he saw he had a few failing seniors and said, "I don't care if he has to stay here with you until 10:30 in the evening doing work, he needs to pass"...well doesn't that mean Mr. M is here until 10:30 in the evening as well? Didn't Mr. McFarland show up and teach every day? Why couldn't the seniors learn then?

When I changed grades and forgave missing assignments, when I saw just how low the math skills of the students I was passing actually were, I felt dirty. Dirtier on the inside than after a weekend in New Orleans (that's dirty). Didn't I become a teacher to stop that? Didn't I tell the students all along that they wouldn't just pass my class? That they had to work hard? That they had to understand the material? Why did I let this happen? How could I have done it better? Could I have just failed them and told the administration I wasn't willing to budge? I am not sure.

Maybe I wasn't a good enough teacher to them. Maybe I didn't do well enough bringing them up all along. Maybe, just maybe, there was nothing I could have done anyway. Our school counselor put it to me this way: Either you pass them and they have a degree that might not mean quite as much as you think it does, or you fail them, they are a credit short of graduating, probably don't come back to finish that credit and then are floating out in the world without any diploma...Which is worse?

Will my kids get to college or the work force and have someone think, who was the idiot that passed you in Math? How could you possibly have earned a diploma?

I made up for my failings as a teacher by not failing my kids. I hope that in the future I won't feel so unsure of my methods, that in the future I won't have to 'just pass' kids that turn in one or two extra worksheets in the 11th hour. That instead I drive them to work hard all along. I give them 'I can, I want, I will' attitude that is so necessary for success.

Also, I must say, this was not all my seniors. Some of my seniors worked so hard. They stayed in my classroom for tutoring during lunch, they texted or called me with questions, they begged me to keep teaching when the others were working on disrupting.

I will stand at graduation tomorrow and I will watch with a smile on my face. I will be angry and frustrated when certain seniors walk across the stage, but mostly I will have goosebumps and pride for what I might have helped start: a life with just a few more possibilities than if these students had not occupied a seat in room 233.

Full Moon

I give all my classes the same material. I have been collecting more to keep them accountable, as they walk out the door they put the filled out worksheets in shelves with their block number on them.

Today I had a typo in one of my problems and had everyone in block 1 change a +18 in an equation to a -9....During 3rd block, after it took a half hour, screaming "SHUT UP" 3-5 times, giving the class the silent treatment AND telling them to teach themselves out of the book, we were finally, mostly, back on track. I was walking around to check problems 3-6 (the mess up was #10)...I wanted to help Brendan, who always has a lot of difficulty with my class (and a lot of attitude), I said, great job Brendan, how did you get all those? Walk me through what you did...Then I asked, wait, how come you crossed out that 18 and changed it to -9? He had no answer. Then he told me he'd gotten it from the group across the room....the group I had just told 30 seconds before coming to him, the group he was not sitting with since before lunch. Hmm, interesting, Are you sure Brendan? Then he went off and told me to shut the fuck up out of his face, how dare I accuse him of cheating.

Fast forward to 4th block. Same scenario. Students who never get it work ahead, I go check their work. They don't cross out the 18, but just add a 9 to solve the equation--puzzling? I ask where they get the 9, they have NO good answer. Are you sure? Where is that 9 from. Oh Ms. Sudow, you are right, let me erase it. I push a bit further, the same fight insues. I get yelled at, told I am accusing them of cheating, told I think they are stupid, and told I am the reason they are failing. Well Daniella, I'd rather you didn't cheat, especially on a worksheet, since it's really no skin off my back, but if you are copying people's work now it means you are not getting it and therefore won't be able to pass my class.

When Daniella's phone is out for the 5th time and I am asking the entire class to make sure they put away their phones, she says to me, how do you know it's a phone Ms. Sudow. Well Daniella, I know what an Android phone is since I GOT ONE FOR FREE WHEN I WORKED AT GOOGLE. That almost shut her up until she told me I should never have left. Well Daniella, sometimes I definitely think that too.

Lesson of the day: Full Moons make Whites Creek kids crazy. Lesson 2: Pick your battles. Maybe accusing them of cheating is not the right thing for me to do. Instead I should have just had them walk me through their steps, make sure they get it, that's all I care about anyway right? I need to be calm, cool and collected, and the bigger person--no more petty.

Better late than never

Finally getting around to reading some of the surveys I handed out at the end of first semester. Some of them are sweet, so I'm gonna toot my own horn because maybe it's needed every once in a while:

"Ms. Sudow, you were an awesome teacher. I know at times my friends and I were very disrespectful. Ya know 4 talking and cutting up while you were teaching. But hey we're kids so...like I said before that was very disrespectful and I hope you forgive us. One thing I can say is that I learned a lot from you. But, just a little piece of advice, 'get more organized.' Stay awesome and don't let someones helpless heart leave/make you bitter. I hope you know that you and Mrs. Bright will be the teachers I'll always love and never forget. Just for the fact that you guyz cared."

Wow...so I am doing something good? And yes, point taken about organization! MUCH NEEDED.

Pretty much every single one says I need to work on getting the class under control and write more referrals. Again, point taken. Let's see if I can keep working on that this semester.

Writing Assessments

In 11th grade TN students must take a TCAP writing assessment. A score of 4, or proficient on this test is required for graduation. Our school has done a practice assessment once a month since November. See below for a sample.

Granted, most of my advisees know these will have no bearing on their grades and could care less...but here goes nothing: (word for word, punctuation-or lack thereof-intact)

Students were asked if they agree or disagree that Celebrities make more money than they deserve.

I disagree because these celebrities work hard for they money and can't anybody say they make more than they deserve maybe teacher don't deserve any money you can't tell somebody who to make they money or what ever the do with they money because its not them and however they make or do with they money its they chose all celebrities deserve every amount of money they make because they work for it like athletes they really deserve every amount of money they make and play hard and if some one say the make to much and want to try to do they job i bet you would be mad if somebody said you make to much money you know you work all day and all night and hard to not make the money you make because I know I would be. Just think about actors. If they act good they deserve they money as well musicians, models deserve they money to all the famous people deserve they money cause the work hard the put effeft in what they do I respect what all the famous people do I respect the money the make I don't think the make to much because they work for there's like teachers work for there's and we not saying teachers make to much just because someone famous people think they make to much well that's not true or right that's why I Disagree!!!

Dear Student,

I am sorry that your school system has failed you. You seem to have good ideas but cannot get them out in a coherent, well-written way. We owe it to you to make it better. I hope it's not too late.

PS-Ask your math teacher the difference between a teacher's salary and an actor, model or athlete's salary. You might be surprised.

-Ms. Sudow