2fer tonight because I had two different things to talk about.
Fast forward to 4th period. One of my girls, Jai (Again changing names) has a three month old baby. He was sick two weeks ago and she was out almost the whole week. But she tried--she came in and picked up work one day, she grabbed everything she missed when she came back.
The first time she missed class because she couldn't get a sitter I asked her where she was, that's how I found out about her son. We talked about how she needed to keep coming to school and graduate so she can provide for herself, she said, "yes, and for him." Amazing. Thank you Jai. Thank you for caring and for valuing education.
I now give her a unit plan and make sure she knows what she'll miss if she ever needs to stay home for him.
Today I asked about him. How he was feeling because I want to build a relationship with her, and because I genuinely care. She said she was having trouble finding people to watch him. She mentioned something that was supposed to happen that wasn't and time was running out. I am not sure what it was, but she said if it didn't, she would have to quit school.
Jai and I haven't built and amazing relationship, but she's fun, she works and she asks lots of questions. She's funny about what she doesn't get, and often doesn't want to know why if she can just figure out the how, and she's not shy about telling you. She's also been helping a ton in class by tutoring some of the others that are behind, and not to mention modeling the kind of participation I would love from all of my students.
Also, I know how important and high school degree is for all my students, but for her in particular. She already has a hurdle, and a big one, having to take care of a baby. If she doesn't get this degree she is going to have trouble getting a job that will allow her to support him in a relatively comfortable way.
There we were in the hallway and she told me I might lose her. I almost cried. I think my eyes watered up. That she might have to sacrifice her education because she has a child to take care of and not enough help.
I told her she could always call me, that I would help if she ever needed it. She knows she would do homeschooling or get a GED. I am so glad she has those strong opinions about getting her degree, and the drive and motivation to do it.
I would still be sad to lose Jai. I would be sad for both of us. I want her to graduate, I want her to succeed, and I want to be one of the people that helps her get there.
Monday, September 14, 2009
Can they handle it? Can I?
After spending my weekend grading papers and trying to plan out my week (Literally, I was out of the house for about 9.5 hours, for the entire weekend), I realized that my geometry kids just weren't getting this triangle stuff. I made the executive decision to stop. To stop teaching new things and circle back. I also decided I wanted to try something new, no more worksheets and me talking at the board all day--let's do some group work and have them teach each other.
The question in my head was, can they handle it? Can they work together? Do they have the discipline to work instead of chat about their weekends? Do they know enough collectively that they can do these worksheets?
Decidedly, NOT. Well at least first period. I heard about how Brenna farts when she's nervous, the football team's loss on Friday, who went out with who, who's phone has a picture of a skeleton on it and of course that no one was going to pass this class because it was too hard and the teacher isn't helping them enough.
Amid F-bombs and N words, I would try to come over and help students with their problems (mind you, I gave them about 3 each and figured it would take 10-15 min to complete them, they took 45 and did not complete them.) When I would be there trying to help one, the other two would be talking about Brenna's farts. While I was standing a foot away from them. Seriously. At least I wasn't standing near Brenna. And then I would tell them stop talking and they would ask me why I didn't tell the other 24 people in the room talking to stop.....
So the gallery walk did not work. The groups only worked on their little piece of the puzzle and did not have a chance to learn from the others. I doubt they even learned what was on their paper. So I wasted 90 minutes of instructional time trying to remediate and failing miserably.
How do I get them under control? How do I help the understand this tough material?
Oh, did I mention their warm up today was a relatively easy Algebra 1 worksheet--a class they all should have passed to be in mine. NONE of them could do it. They all whined and complained that they did not remember how to solve equations with one variable.
50% is not proficient.
The question in my head was, can they handle it? Can they work together? Do they have the discipline to work instead of chat about their weekends? Do they know enough collectively that they can do these worksheets?
Decidedly, NOT. Well at least first period. I heard about how Brenna farts when she's nervous, the football team's loss on Friday, who went out with who, who's phone has a picture of a skeleton on it and of course that no one was going to pass this class because it was too hard and the teacher isn't helping them enough.
Amid F-bombs and N words, I would try to come over and help students with their problems (mind you, I gave them about 3 each and figured it would take 10-15 min to complete them, they took 45 and did not complete them.) When I would be there trying to help one, the other two would be talking about Brenna's farts. While I was standing a foot away from them. Seriously. At least I wasn't standing near Brenna. And then I would tell them stop talking and they would ask me why I didn't tell the other 24 people in the room talking to stop.....
So the gallery walk did not work. The groups only worked on their little piece of the puzzle and did not have a chance to learn from the others. I doubt they even learned what was on their paper. So I wasted 90 minutes of instructional time trying to remediate and failing miserably.
How do I get them under control? How do I help the understand this tough material?
Oh, did I mention their warm up today was a relatively easy Algebra 1 worksheet--a class they all should have passed to be in mine. NONE of them could do it. They all whined and complained that they did not remember how to solve equations with one variable.
50% is not proficient.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Drowning
Let's step back for a second. I keep talking about my kids--how tough they are to reach, the crazy things they do in class. And yes, that is tough. But let's not forget, that being a teacher, especially a first year teacher, in any school, no matter how motivated or prepared your kids are is really hard.
Think about your favorite class in high school. Maybe the one where the teacher had some cool activity planned every day, handouts to guide you through the lesson, and homework for each day figured out for you at the beginning of the unit, or even week. All of that takes organization, planning and an understanding of where the class has been, and where it is going. Not to mention knowing what you are going to tell your kids and how you are going to tell it so they get it. For every 90 minute lesson I teach, I spend about an hour making a lesson plan, a bellringer, guided notes and homework.
But teaching isn't just lesson planning. I also have to unit plan, so I know what objectives I am teaching every day. And it'd be nice if I printed out these unit plans and handed them to my kids at the beginning of every unit, but I haven't had a chance to do that, not to mention, because my kids can't seem to understand things, I get behind...
Let's add on top of all the planning, all the piles and piles of paper I collect every day. I have 65 students. If I collect just one piece of paper from each of them every day of the week, that is 325 pieces of paper that i need to have my eyes on, check and grade. Oh, and then I need to enter each thing into a grade book.
I think Jen Televik put it best. Imagine getting to work at 6:30am each day, only to be able to actually start working at 2:30 or 3 (depending on who stays for tutoring).
The sad part is doing the above is doing the bear minimum. My classroom isn't fully decorated, the kids are supposed to have jobs they don't have, I need to talk more about a big goal, I need call all 65 parents/guardians. There is also that whole thing called sleep, working out, being with other humans that are not under the age of 18....
TEACHING IS HARD WORK.
Thank a teacher next time you see one.
Think about your favorite class in high school. Maybe the one where the teacher had some cool activity planned every day, handouts to guide you through the lesson, and homework for each day figured out for you at the beginning of the unit, or even week. All of that takes organization, planning and an understanding of where the class has been, and where it is going. Not to mention knowing what you are going to tell your kids and how you are going to tell it so they get it. For every 90 minute lesson I teach, I spend about an hour making a lesson plan, a bellringer, guided notes and homework.
But teaching isn't just lesson planning. I also have to unit plan, so I know what objectives I am teaching every day. And it'd be nice if I printed out these unit plans and handed them to my kids at the beginning of every unit, but I haven't had a chance to do that, not to mention, because my kids can't seem to understand things, I get behind...
Let's add on top of all the planning, all the piles and piles of paper I collect every day. I have 65 students. If I collect just one piece of paper from each of them every day of the week, that is 325 pieces of paper that i need to have my eyes on, check and grade. Oh, and then I need to enter each thing into a grade book.
I think Jen Televik put it best. Imagine getting to work at 6:30am each day, only to be able to actually start working at 2:30 or 3 (depending on who stays for tutoring).
The sad part is doing the above is doing the bear minimum. My classroom isn't fully decorated, the kids are supposed to have jobs they don't have, I need to talk more about a big goal, I need call all 65 parents/guardians. There is also that whole thing called sleep, working out, being with other humans that are not under the age of 18....
TEACHING IS HARD WORK.
Thank a teacher next time you see one.
Monday, August 31, 2009
Fire in the Belly
No more despondence, no more scared, no more hyperventilating--well not at school anyway. At school, in my classroom, Don't mess with Ms. Sudow.
Sarah's quitting (the teacher that worked next door to me) only made me more determined. Only made me realize that these little sh-ts will NOT get the better of me. They will NOT rule my life and they will NOT act out in class. I will show up every day, and I will lay down the law.
Today I wore a full black suit, my hair pulled back, and a no nonsense attitude. I did not give kids warnings, I went straight to angry eyes. I told them to have a seat and get to work, just like I do every day, but today, there was more force behind it.
Today, after repeatedly telling him to be quiet, to pay attention and to stop distracting the class, and still he was talking, I told Alex (changing names here) to 'SHUT UP.' I do not tell kids to shut up, I don't want to use disrespectful language like that in my classroom and I get pissed at them when they do. So why did I tell him to shut up? Because at that moment, Alex did NOT deserve my respect. Alex was not respecting me or my classroom, or his peers. He was wasting learning time and my time, and I was not going to have it. My other two classes followed in a very similar fashion. Me yelling, telling the class they were not performing the way I expected them to, and telling them that it was not in my personality to yell and be angry like this. But that they make me angry, they make me need to raise my voice and be disrespectful becase that seems to be the only way to get their attention.
Today at Whites Creek High, there was a fight. Most probably a gang related fight. It took (from what I can count from fellow teacher's accounts)at least 10 teachers and administrators to break it up. We had to call in police support to fully end it. The entire school felt it. As big as that building is, from my post on the second floor, my kids knew something was going on downstairs and two hallways away. The hallway was raucus, they were running up and down, headed towards the fight, hearded away from it. We shut our doors when most of our kids were in them. Downstairs they locked the kids in so they couldn't join the fighting or egg them on.
"Welcome to Whites Creek" my 4th period class told me. Oh no child, this will NOT be Whites Creek for long, not if Mr. Lang has anything to do with it. This will end. We the teachers and administrators will fight back. And we will fight to give you the chance you deserve. To give you the education you try so hard every day, every minute, to avoid. You need guidance, you need structure and you need discipline, and we are here to give it to you.
So no. I will not quit, I will not back down. I will continue to be a hardass. I will continue to yell until you choose to realize, that I don't need to. I will keep working on lesson plans. I will find ways to make this very hard math understandable to you. And I will continue to remediate where other teachers have failed, or where you my friend have failed to listen. You are not getting rid of me. I will not back down. At least not now. At least not until my lungs tell me I must. But until that day, I will be there, in your face, Gwen, because I learned about proximity. Because I learned about relentless pursuit of results, and I will not stop until I get you to get the results you deserve.
In the process of me not backing down, of me showing up every day ready to teach you not only math, but how to be a respectful human being, I hope that we can gain mutual respect for one another. That we can build relationships that will help you understand why I am trying so hard, and you will know what it is you deserve, what you can get with hard work and dedication--a quality education, a higher education, and a chance to make more of yourself than being in a gang, supporting babies at 18, and working a job you don't love because it is the only one you are qualified for.
That is the fire in my belly, and that, along with adreinalin and caffeine is why I am fired up this evening.
Sarah's quitting (the teacher that worked next door to me) only made me more determined. Only made me realize that these little sh-ts will NOT get the better of me. They will NOT rule my life and they will NOT act out in class. I will show up every day, and I will lay down the law.
Today I wore a full black suit, my hair pulled back, and a no nonsense attitude. I did not give kids warnings, I went straight to angry eyes. I told them to have a seat and get to work, just like I do every day, but today, there was more force behind it.
Today, after repeatedly telling him to be quiet, to pay attention and to stop distracting the class, and still he was talking, I told Alex (changing names here) to 'SHUT UP.' I do not tell kids to shut up, I don't want to use disrespectful language like that in my classroom and I get pissed at them when they do. So why did I tell him to shut up? Because at that moment, Alex did NOT deserve my respect. Alex was not respecting me or my classroom, or his peers. He was wasting learning time and my time, and I was not going to have it. My other two classes followed in a very similar fashion. Me yelling, telling the class they were not performing the way I expected them to, and telling them that it was not in my personality to yell and be angry like this. But that they make me angry, they make me need to raise my voice and be disrespectful becase that seems to be the only way to get their attention.
Today at Whites Creek High, there was a fight. Most probably a gang related fight. It took (from what I can count from fellow teacher's accounts)at least 10 teachers and administrators to break it up. We had to call in police support to fully end it. The entire school felt it. As big as that building is, from my post on the second floor, my kids knew something was going on downstairs and two hallways away. The hallway was raucus, they were running up and down, headed towards the fight, hearded away from it. We shut our doors when most of our kids were in them. Downstairs they locked the kids in so they couldn't join the fighting or egg them on.
"Welcome to Whites Creek" my 4th period class told me. Oh no child, this will NOT be Whites Creek for long, not if Mr. Lang has anything to do with it. This will end. We the teachers and administrators will fight back. And we will fight to give you the chance you deserve. To give you the education you try so hard every day, every minute, to avoid. You need guidance, you need structure and you need discipline, and we are here to give it to you.
So no. I will not quit, I will not back down. I will continue to be a hardass. I will continue to yell until you choose to realize, that I don't need to. I will keep working on lesson plans. I will find ways to make this very hard math understandable to you. And I will continue to remediate where other teachers have failed, or where you my friend have failed to listen. You are not getting rid of me. I will not back down. At least not now. At least not until my lungs tell me I must. But until that day, I will be there, in your face, Gwen, because I learned about proximity. Because I learned about relentless pursuit of results, and I will not stop until I get you to get the results you deserve.
In the process of me not backing down, of me showing up every day ready to teach you not only math, but how to be a respectful human being, I hope that we can gain mutual respect for one another. That we can build relationships that will help you understand why I am trying so hard, and you will know what it is you deserve, what you can get with hard work and dedication--a quality education, a higher education, and a chance to make more of yourself than being in a gang, supporting babies at 18, and working a job you don't love because it is the only one you are qualified for.
That is the fire in my belly, and that, along with adreinalin and caffeine is why I am fired up this evening.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
I thought I would feel better after the weekend....
This job is so hard, I don't know how I am going to come out at the other side. I worked from 10-3 yesterday and from 9-6 today. I didn't accomplish all the things I set out to, and I am nervous I did a terrible job the last two weeks which means my kids are going to fail the tests I have planned for them this week.
I am so scared that this is how my life is going to be for the next 4-5 months--what if staying sane means working 15 hours on the weekend? Where does that leave my sanity and my social life and my visits to Zack and his visits to me. I want to spend time with him and with friends without being nervous I should be planning. I want to sleep. I want to feel like I am making a difference instead of spinning my wheels.
I swear I am giving myself an ulcer or something. When I think of everything I need to do, and everything I need to teach I want to throw up, or cry or hide or something. How am I going to have the strength to do this? Did I really sign up for this? Do I have to go into work tomorrow?
I am so scared every day, every minute of my life is going to be tainted with me being a basket case. Will I be able to keep my head above water when I get back to school each week? I don't want to sacrifice my life, my health, my love for these kids. But I am afraid of failing. I am apparently a perfectionist and want to be good at this damnit. What is the point of the kids being in my classroom if I can't teach them well?...apparently that's why i have put in so many hours. That is why I pull out my hair, don't shower, haven't cooked myself dinner in a week, haven't been to the gym, don't have a voice, and am just now realizing I got very behind on my vest as I cough up green goo every 7 minutes.
What will give? Will it be their education? My sanity? My health?
I am so scared that this is how my life is going to be for the next 4-5 months--what if staying sane means working 15 hours on the weekend? Where does that leave my sanity and my social life and my visits to Zack and his visits to me. I want to spend time with him and with friends without being nervous I should be planning. I want to sleep. I want to feel like I am making a difference instead of spinning my wheels.
I swear I am giving myself an ulcer or something. When I think of everything I need to do, and everything I need to teach I want to throw up, or cry or hide or something. How am I going to have the strength to do this? Did I really sign up for this? Do I have to go into work tomorrow?
I am so scared every day, every minute of my life is going to be tainted with me being a basket case. Will I be able to keep my head above water when I get back to school each week? I don't want to sacrifice my life, my health, my love for these kids. But I am afraid of failing. I am apparently a perfectionist and want to be good at this damnit. What is the point of the kids being in my classroom if I can't teach them well?...apparently that's why i have put in so many hours. That is why I pull out my hair, don't shower, haven't cooked myself dinner in a week, haven't been to the gym, don't have a voice, and am just now realizing I got very behind on my vest as I cough up green goo every 7 minutes.
What will give? Will it be their education? My sanity? My health?
Friday, August 28, 2009
End Week 2 Throwup and lemonade
We have rules in this school, but you would never know it from the way the kids behave. And yes I call them young adults, but they certainly do not act like it.
3rd period, my honors class. Can't get them to pay attention for the life of me. Bell rings and they are rushing out the door, I hear out of the corner of my ear "Shondria threw up" I think they are joking, but then I look, there it is brown liquid on the floor of my classroom...I ask if she's really sick or if she just choked on her diet dr. pepper (note, maybe you shouldn't drink 3 sodas a day and you wouldn't be so sick).
There is throw up on my floor, the classroom is a mess, I need to get ready for the next class to come in. So I call Mr. Surls the head custodian, no answer. I call Ms. Bedell, the woman that sits in the front of Principal Lang's office, no answer. I go out in the hall to get my kids to come in and get to work, realize I don't have a bell ringer to get them to get to work on, I tell Eric who is flirting with some girl in the hall to get into class. She has a lemonade in her hand, she basically dumps it on Eric, the hall, and me. Then RUNS down the hall, away from getting in trouble, and cleaning up after herself. Eric comes into my classroom and makes a stink about how his shirt is wet. I call again. This time Principal Lang answers, I bark, not realizing it's my boss--'There is throwup on my floor and lemonade in the hall'...He reassures me someone will come clean it up. The kids are not pleased, to say the least.
Fast forward to quiz review before we take our quiz today (still in 4th period). I'm not sure how it happened, but somehow Brittney lost part of her weave. Eric (yes, the same Eric who provoked the lemonade fight), took the piece of hair, put it on his head and starts posing for the camera that Shatequa just happened to have handy. The entire class thinks this is hysterical and could care less about polynomial long division.
That was my friday afternoon. How was yours?
3rd period, my honors class. Can't get them to pay attention for the life of me. Bell rings and they are rushing out the door, I hear out of the corner of my ear "Shondria threw up" I think they are joking, but then I look, there it is brown liquid on the floor of my classroom...I ask if she's really sick or if she just choked on her diet dr. pepper (note, maybe you shouldn't drink 3 sodas a day and you wouldn't be so sick).
There is throw up on my floor, the classroom is a mess, I need to get ready for the next class to come in. So I call Mr. Surls the head custodian, no answer. I call Ms. Bedell, the woman that sits in the front of Principal Lang's office, no answer. I go out in the hall to get my kids to come in and get to work, realize I don't have a bell ringer to get them to get to work on, I tell Eric who is flirting with some girl in the hall to get into class. She has a lemonade in her hand, she basically dumps it on Eric, the hall, and me. Then RUNS down the hall, away from getting in trouble, and cleaning up after herself. Eric comes into my classroom and makes a stink about how his shirt is wet. I call again. This time Principal Lang answers, I bark, not realizing it's my boss--'There is throwup on my floor and lemonade in the hall'...He reassures me someone will come clean it up. The kids are not pleased, to say the least.
Fast forward to quiz review before we take our quiz today (still in 4th period). I'm not sure how it happened, but somehow Brittney lost part of her weave. Eric (yes, the same Eric who provoked the lemonade fight), took the piece of hair, put it on his head and starts posing for the camera that Shatequa just happened to have handy. The entire class thinks this is hysterical and could care less about polynomial long division.
That was my friday afternoon. How was yours?
Monday, August 17, 2009
Eye Opening
Things they try to prepare you for but never really can:
1) Arriving at school at 6:00 am to make copies for class, only to find the doors locked.
2) Finally getting into school and needing to line up to make copies at the 1 Rizo machine in the whole school, we only had blue paper and weren't even sure it was ours to use.
3) Getting in a fight with a 16 year old about whether or not she was disrupting my class and asking her to move seats. Then telling her 'This is not an argument' and having her say, 'yes, so why you arguing with me about it?'
4) Working from 2:30pm-7:30pm on diagnostic tests and lesson plans, only to return to the 1 rizo machine in the building to make all my copies (2 2-page hand outs about classroom culture and 9-page tests for 64 students) only to find it was out of ink. Not to mention that would have taken hours.
5) Paying $65 at Kinkos after a tax free and TFA discount for above copies
6) Arriving home at 9:00pm needing to eat, staple 44 of my tests, make mini lesson plans in case we finish early tomorrow, do my vest (yes I still have CF), pay my bills due this week and get to bed at a reasonable hour so I can do it all again tomorrow morning.
Yes. This is hard. Let's hope it gets better....But I am not so sure, I haven't even planned a real lesson yet!
1) Arriving at school at 6:00 am to make copies for class, only to find the doors locked.
2) Finally getting into school and needing to line up to make copies at the 1 Rizo machine in the whole school, we only had blue paper and weren't even sure it was ours to use.
3) Getting in a fight with a 16 year old about whether or not she was disrupting my class and asking her to move seats. Then telling her 'This is not an argument' and having her say, 'yes, so why you arguing with me about it?'
4) Working from 2:30pm-7:30pm on diagnostic tests and lesson plans, only to return to the 1 rizo machine in the building to make all my copies (2 2-page hand outs about classroom culture and 9-page tests for 64 students) only to find it was out of ink. Not to mention that would have taken hours.
5) Paying $65 at Kinkos after a tax free and TFA discount for above copies
6) Arriving home at 9:00pm needing to eat, staple 44 of my tests, make mini lesson plans in case we finish early tomorrow, do my vest (yes I still have CF), pay my bills due this week and get to bed at a reasonable hour so I can do it all again tomorrow morning.
Yes. This is hard. Let's hope it gets better....But I am not so sure, I haven't even planned a real lesson yet!
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